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| UG |
My life journey began as a simple
pursuit of worldly success! As a dreamy youngster, the word 'success' became my
mantra. I never spared a single book that promised success. I started consuming
all the inspirational stuff in libraries, blinded by the thought of making it
big in the world!
Inspiration, howsoever great, coming
from outside of ourselves, would ultimately end up in frustration! The lucky ones are
self-inspired, they get their priorities right and are wise enough to choose
their true love as also their career!
You will find out that many a motivational, inspirational writer or evangelist who peddles ‘self-help’ as the mantra for success in life, for some reason, dedicates an entire chapter on God, grace, luck or destiny. This aspect, we are made to believe, is detrimental to success beyond the regular necessary ingredients like sincerity, hard work, focus and determination!
God or luck or fate, for most of us, is a formidable excuse to camouflage our ignorance on matters of life. Who can know how life operates or who can fathom its bewildering uncertainties?
During my maiden encounter with UG , his first wise crack was on 'self-help', “They say God helps those who help themselves. Tell me, if we can really help ourselves, then why do we need God?”
I was crazy and hell-bent on exploring various aspects of success. My ambition was to make it big in the world! When I read about God, luck, as an indispensable attribute to success, it posed quite a serious challenge! I now started digging deep inside of books seeking answers for the God-riddle.
UG was to point out much later that
seeking answers about life or God is just a futile exercise! All the answers
given by others were their own discoveries and could not help in solving any of
our problems. In fact, the answers given by others triggered more questions as
we made futile attempts to understand and seek clarification! This indeed is a
self-perpetuating process - answers, not our own, multiply our questions!
UG clarified, " All your questions are born
of answers....they are the answers provided by others...in fact, there is no
such thing as your own question!", adding," I cannot help
you, in fact, no one can help you find your answers. The only thing I could
help, if at all, is to let you formulate your own question...!"
In my search for answers, one thing led to another and soon 'self-help' books gave way to spiritual classics. I segued into ‘The Autobiography of a Yogi’, leaving behind ‘The Laws of Success’. More spiritual books followed.
Every serious inquiry or exploration
eventually leads one to 'mother of all questions' - What is life, is there a
God or soul? I found myself asking the self-same question that has confounded
mankind from the beginning of time to this day!
I began seriously exploring 'soul' or 'atma' or 'spirit'! Strangely, spiritual realm seemed to hold greater charm, more promise than all the worldly goodies! Spiritual success seemed to guarantee even greater glories and awesome power over people and events! At least, that is what the books said!
Little did I realise at the time that I was walking into a trap - the deceptive world of spirituality - ripe with conmen and godmen! Spiritual kingdom is the last port of call for many a desperate seeker!
At this point, my spiritual pursuit
became the be-all and end-all of my life and I became seriously hopeful of
getting 'there'! I swapped my material goals for the new-found spiritual goals!
As I reflect back, I think UG nailed it, "You will replace one goal with another, your spiritual goals are no different from your material goals, they are one and the same ! All your goals including the so called spiritual goals are selfish pursuits...you are merely seeking gratification all the time! You will never give up your search because the end of search is the end of you!"
My foray into the spiritual wonderland
was not entirely without excitement.
It proved quite eventful. Much before
this, during my high school days, I used to experience 'death' every night. As
I lay on my bed, an invisible 'vacuum cleaner' ( an analogy borrowed from
UG who had the uncanny knack of coining verbal equivalents to our wordless
experiences!) would start operating, scaring me to death, sucking away my life,
even as I desperately fought to wriggle out of its clutches....I would eventually slip
away into the 'unconscious'. Next day morning, I would wake up normally! This
continued for several months at a stretch!
Now, years later, once again, I began
to experience strange things! As I foolishly and feverishly threw myself into
yoga, meditation and other spiritual practices (recommended by books!),
unsupervised, I began to experience strange things - I felt tingling
sensations, crawling of ‘ants’ in my spinal column, sudden expansion of
consciousness, inexplicable blissful states and much more!
I felt intoxicated, I felt that I was
really getting 'there', and that I had begun to taste success in my spiritual
journey! I started believing that these experiences were an endorsement or
validation of my spiritual progress. I felt a sense of achievement!
I couldn’t have been more deluded! Unbeknownst to me, I was treading a dangerous path!
Mine was a heady mix of 'arm-chair' philosophy and 'acquired' knowledge, a sure-fire recipe for delusion and disaster. I had no one around me for course correction, no one like UG to 'put me in my place'!
At this time, there was another
serious problem in my life! I had to grapple with the formidable issue of sex,
right in the middle of my spiritual pursuits! My sexual cravings and urges got
the better of me every time, setting my youthful frame up in passionate
flames.
Given the spiritual context, the
natural and common urge like sex became a burning problem!
I was caught in a dilemma unable to
reconcile my spiritual life with my biological reality. The pangs of sex
violently tore me up from inside. It bothered me no end!
Self-deception, in my case, was nearly
total! My meeting with UG would change all that very soon!
In my maiden encounter, UG was intense
and scorching ! He pounded down my spiritual pride into dust! He
pooh-poohed all that I held as profound and sacred. His words were
piercing, cutting through my deception and delusion:
“All your spiritual experiences are
just worthless experiences ! However profound, they are just petty little
experiences, shoddy piece of goods ! If they have really helped you at all ,
why are you here? Why are you still seeking answers? Anyway, what is it that
you are looking for? Okay, assuming for a moment that your
experiences are really true, in what way are you different now? You are the
same old person carrying on with the same old prejudices, same old fears and
burning with the same old desires....has anything really changed there at all ? You
see, you cannot experience anything without the experiencing structure there (
if there is no 'experiencer' there) ...as long as there is the experiencing
structure, whatever you experience will only fortify and strengthen that
structure (the ego or self)....All your experiences are coloured by knowledge.
Experience fortifies knowledge and knowledge fortifies experience. You cannot
experience anything new, there is no such thing as new experience at all!"
This lambasting, this much needed
awakening brought me to ground zero! I didn't have the guts anymore to narrate
my so called experiences that I was so proud of all these years. After
listening to UG, they really began to look 'shoddy' and 'petty' indeed ! UG was bang on!
UG held a
mirror for the first time in which I could clearly see the reality of my
situation! He got me off the merry-go-round of spiritual pursuit.
I got more
grounded and began to settle into the realities of life.
UG also gave
me the strength to accept my sexual urges as natural and common and healed my
nagging sense of guilt thus putting an end to my inner dichotomy!
I discovered
enough courage inside of me to shed the falsehood and abandon the sham life
that I had foolishly embraced!
Every little
experience - spiritual or otherwise had only added to my baggage, and increased
my psychological burden, preventing me from leading a simple, burden-free
life.
Thanks to UG,
first time in years, I walked out as a free man, more human than ever before!
