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UG and Major
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It was a pleasant surprise to receive
the following intense and devout piece of writing from Suresh Natarajan about
Major Dakshinamurthi, a close associate of UG, majorly impacted by the sage.
The most interesting part of the
write-up is the impact of UG and Ajja, the living sages of our times, on the
life of an intense individual, a ‘sadhaka’ or ‘seeker of Truth’, caught up in self-doubt
and conflict, torn asunder by dichotomy. The sagely and timely guidance and
pointers along the journey are unmistakable and remarkable.
The narrative highlights how UG
employed his uncanny ability to let individuals discover their true inner strength
by precipitating life situations and circumstances. UG would grab you by the
scruff of the neck and thrust you to face situations, giving you no choice,
letting you stare at your deepest fears, uncover your secret desires and overcome debilitating and paralysing
weaknesses. “Face it!” was UG’s motto.
Major’s story finds resonance in our
individual struggles with life and makes for eminent reading!
Major is a rare human being, frighteningly
candid and fiercely open. Regardless of recency of friendship, he could boldly open
up about his flaws, foibles, frailties that could make some of us cringe as we try
to hide away from ourselves. We are scared and relentlessly seek ways to escape
from our ugliness and do everything possible in our means to hide our limitations,
weaknesses, yearnings and temptations. We struggle hard to disown the ‘burden
of guilt and shame’ ( a cultural imposition as per UG) that could dent and dwarf
our self-image (UG vigorously debunked the reality of the ‘self’).
Major is refreshingly different. He
could wax eloquent about his sex drives, deepest secrets, weaknesses, desires,
ambitions, cravings, frustrations that once haunted and tormented him ( yes, he seems to be at total peace with himself these days!) without batting
an eyelid. That is his endearing quality!
‘Sadhana’ is about leading a
conflict-free life with environment and society, the crux being the realisation
that ‘one is not separate from the wholeness of life’. Sadhana meant everything
for Major during the prime of his youth, the difficult years! His single-minded
devotion to follow the dictates of conscience, despite all odds, and his ever so
close association with ‘real humans’ ( the Chinese equivalent for sages) like
UG and Ajja enabled him to grasp the many dimensions of psyche that could pose serious
problems otherwise and affect us terribly in many ways. Despite his deep learnings, Major is very much
open and grounded.
I am thankful and grateful to Suresh
Natarajan for his wonderful and inspiring write-up!
Suresh Natarajan is a former techie who worked in the US for many years and moved back to India and quit his career upon being drawn to the inner journey. After a long search through the entire spiritual landscape and teachers of all shades that India is quite expert at producing, he found the most authentic integrity of teaching and living in Sri Ramana Maharshi (called the "real McCoy" by UG). Subsequently, he also came across UG and found his direct expression and the living that reflected it to be most powerful. All intellectualizing and attempts to "figure it out" stopped, thanks to UG. Now he spends his time in India and the US, dedicated to his inner journey as shown by Sri Ramana and meeting co-travelers in the journey as and when life presents them.
Over to Suresh Natarajan…..
****
This is a long write-up on a rare
ascetic that I was fortunate to meet called Major Dakshinamurti, who has led a
very dedicated life of sadhana, coming across many authentic spiritual teachers
in person and now in his seventies, abiding in a state of peace and joy within
in a secluded place outside Bangalore.
I felt a great inspiration to re-dedicate myself to sadhana
upon hearing his story and writing it. I am certain that it will be of similar
inspiration for all the seekers who read it. Thank you.
****
Major Dakshinamurti started his spiritual journey precisely on
April 15, 1950 as an eight-year-old boy while sitting next to his father who
was reading the newspaper. The father read out that the great sage of
Arunachala, Sri Ramana Maharshi, had passed away the previous day. The boy
asked his father about this sage and the father said Ramana Maharshi came as a
young boy to the holy Arunachala mountain in Tiruvannamalai and sat in the
caves there for many years wearing just a loin cloth and deeply absorbed in
samadhi, unmindful of even insects and ants eating into his flesh until some
people rescued him and took care of his body. This image of a young boy sitting
in a cave in meditation wearing only a loin cloth haunted the eight-year-old
Dakshinamurti from then onward. Incidentally, it was his father who had given
him the name Dakshinamurti as he had been writing a commentary on the famous
Dakshinamurti Stotra - a crown jewel among Shankara's works on advaita
(non-duality) - when the child was born. A most appropriate name to one who'd
go on to dedicate his entire life to advaita sadhana and realization. And now
the father started off his sadhana too by introducing him to the great sage of
Arunachala.
Years went by and Dakshinamurthi
joined the Indian National Cadet Corps (NCC) in his college days. Through NCC,
he was selected for army officers' training and he had to go to Dehradun near
the Himalayas to attend the training. Here too, when he took the train for the
first time to leave his native place in Andhra Pradesh to attend the army
training, as he went to the railway platform to pick up a magazine in a book
stall, he ended up picking Arthur Osborne's biography of Sri Ramana Maharshi -
a book quite unusual to find in a railway station book stall. He would go on to
lead a service of 20 years in the Indian army as he rose up to the rank of a
Major.
While in the army, he'd come down
south to his native place whenever there was leave. And in his house back in
his hometown lived as tenant a remarkable man who was a professor of Telugu, a
body builder, an ashtavadhani (ability to concentrate on eight literary tasks
at the same time) and also a sincere seeker. He later went on to become the
head of the Courtalam Mouna Swami Mutt. This professor took Major during one of
his trips to his hometown to a lady saint called Anasuya Devi also known as
Jillelamudi Amma. Major was very impressed by Amma who constantly spoke of the
universal presence of the Divine Mother. Her Ashram too generously helped the
poor and the needy. So Major spent time in this Ashram whenever he could. He
also met his future wife there and soon enough married her. Major was very
close to his wife and they were both very sincerely devoted to Jillelamudi
Amma. Major took his wife to live in North India leading the army life but
during all the leave time he had, they'd come down south to spend time at the
Ashram and follow Jillelamudi Amma's instructions for sadhana.
But three years after getting
married, his wife was suddenly afflicted with rheumatoid arthritis and
eventually got confined to a wheelchair. Because of this, Major did not attend
any social gatherings for many years and instead spent time primarily taking
care of her and taking her around while continuing to lead his army life and spending
time in Jillelamudi Amma's Ashram. Sometime later, Jillelamudi Amma passed away
so they would go to Madras often where Major regularly attended talks by J.
Krishnamurti in Vasant Vihar. He also started reading many books of J.
Krishnamurti and his teaching of choiceless awareness of what is and denying
the past and future to remain attentive to the present resonated deeply with
Major.
Major continued to take care of
his wheelchair bound wife with great love, providing her the best possible
medical care. He expected that due to the care and also mainly his spiritual
sadhana, her condition would improve by some miracle but since that was not
happening, he started taking an interest in Kriya Yoga as taught by Paramahamsa
Yogananda's Yogoda Satsang Society (YSS). The famous book "Autobiography
of a Yogi" has many miracles reported by Yogananda and there is a general
association and expectation of such miracles with Kriya Yoga for many
aspirants. Major also sincerely took up Kriya Yoga with similar expectations of
a cure for his wife. It was around 1979 that he started taking the lessons and
after a year, he got initiated into the Kriya Yoga practice. He kept the
practice for a total of 11 years. While doing so, he had experiences of
different sounds of Om but did not find anything happening with his Kundalini
energy and neither did his wife's condition improve.
****
In the year 1980, Major was
posted in Secunderabad as part of his
army duty. And while living there with his wife, once the famous lady sage Sri
Anandamayi Ma visited the city. The then Chief Minister of the state, Dr.
Channa Reddy, organized a big satsangh function for Sri Anandamayi Ma in his
residence and threw it open to the public. Major took his wife to attend the
satsangh where many bhajans (devotional songs) were sung in the presence of Ma.
After the program ended, Dr. Channa Reddy noticed the wheelchair bound lady
with her army major husband and invited her to garland Ma by giving her a big
flower garland. Anandamayi Ma came near, put her hands on his wife's head and
said three times "Bhagavan ka naam lo, beti" ("Take the Lord's
name, child"). Major was struck by the aura of Anandamayi Ma, the energy
and purity she radiated. Ma left her body within two years after that incident,
so he felt so blessed and fortunate to have met her in person.
After a while, Major quit his
army job and took up a civil service job in the town of Chittoor, only 50 miles
from Tiruvannamalai - the holy town at the base of the Arunachala mountain. So
Major now was able to go frequently and spend time in Ramana Ashram, thus
resuming his interest in the teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi. He would also
visit the Aurobindo Ashram in Pondicherry during his travels but mostly spent a
lot of time in Ramana Ashram where it was really easy to get accommodation
then.
The first time he went to the
Ashram, he met Balarama Reddy, a fellow Andhra-ite and an old disciple of the
Maharshi. Balarama Reddy narrated an incident in that very first meeting itself
that made a deep impact on Major. Once when the Maharshi was alive, another
Telugu Swami who lived in the Himalayas in a picturesque place called the
Valley of Flowers had come to the Ashram and while leaving, asked Balarama
Reddy to come with him for a while. Balarama Reddy asked for the Maharshi's
permission and went off with the Telugu Swami to stay with him for a month.
Upon coming back, he couldn't contain himself about the beauty of the place he
was in and so started talking loudly in the presence of Maharshi about the lush
green Himalayan abode he had stayed at for a month. Ramana Maharshi heard him
speak and immediately cut him short saying "Instead of looking for such
scraps of pleasure that come and go, why not find the real nature of your Self
which is the infinite reservoir of happiness being one with the Supreme?".
This made Balarama Reddy realize his folly immediately and brought his outgoing
attention inward again. Hearing this story directly from Balarama Reddy, Major
was deeply moved and it tremendously increased his commitment to sadhana.
****
On one such travel to Arunachala,
he also met Annamalai Swami, another senior disciple of the Maharshi. He was
sitting with the Swami and somebody criticized devotees of Yogi Ram Surat Kumar
for aggressively collecting money to build an ashram there. Annamalai Swami
immediately stopped it, saying it is not our place to criticize anyone and
narrated another incident from the Maharshi's life. Perumal Swami, an early
disciple of the Maharshi, somehow turned sour on the Maharshi and wrote a
slanderous book criticizing the Maharshi. When someone went and complained to
the Maharshi about this, Sri Ramana said, "Why are you complaining? It is
a good thing. Buy a bulk of those books and put it in the entrance so that
people may stop coming here after reading it!". There are many such
instances of Sri Ramana Maharshi returning hatred with love and hearing this
narrated by Annamalai Swami again left a great impression on Major.
Major realized that among the
millions of species on this planet, only human beings have a unique set of
problems such as boredom, worry, addiction and suicide. All this is because the
mind or thought has become so powerful and taken over the organism. Therefore
he reasoned that the only solution is to still the mind and the senses. This
required being free of all desires and responding to only those thoughts that
are based on needs. He wondered if it is even possible to live in such a state
of stillness by oneself and the image that flashed across him each time was that
of Ramana Maharshi.
Meanwhile Major was still keeping
up his Kriya Yoga practice for the past 11 years till then. And in 1990, he
finally stopped it when the next chapter in his sadhana began after he met UG
Krishnamurti, known simply as UG. It all started off in the Aurobindo Ashram
book shop in Pondicherry where Major found a book of UG and was very intrigued
by it. He made a few calls to friends and relatives who were connected and soon
enough, got in touch with Chandrashekar Babu in Bangalore whose place UG
visited regularly while in India. So the next time UG was supposed to come to
Bangalore, Babu intimated Major ahead of time and Major came to Bangalore the
previous day with his wife and stayed in the Army quarters there to meet UG the
next morning. But when he rang up Babu's house to find out when to come, Babu's
wife Suguna told him that due to a sudden change in plans, UG had left
Bangalore immediately. Major called Babu again in the evening and he asked us
to come the next morning. Babu's wife Suguna was very courteous and asked them
to spend some time anyway in their place and played a video of UG for them to
watch. This video was the first time Major, along with his wife, saw and heard
UG.
Then they left the same day by
car to their hometown in Andhra Pradesh. Suddenly and unexpectedly on the way,
Major's wife developed a heavy pain in her chest. Major rushed her to doctors
as they reached town but it was of no avail. The doctors said she was going
through a major cardiac arrest which was quite unexplainable given she had no
history of heart problems. Within one week of seeing UG, she died in Nellore in his brother's care on Dec 30, 1989. She had been living a life bound to
wheelchair in constant pain and the medical prognosis was for her to be in that
condition for a long time which meant great suffering for many years. Major
somehow felt that just seeing UG freed her of all the years of suffering by
giving her instant relief from the body while also freeing him of the burden of
taking care of her for many years.
Major carried out his wife's
funeral ceremony for thirteen days as per tradition. And literally by the time
the ceremonies got over, his brother came up with a proposal for him to
re-marry as he was still quite young. The prospective bride was a niece of his
friend, a well-educated woman practicing as a gynaecologist with a good income
so that Major doesn't have to worry about his finances too. All the close
relatives made a convincing case for Major to get remarried, so Major just told
them to give him some time to sleep over it before getting back. As he went to
sleep, suddenly a similar incident in the life of Sivaprakasham Pillai, a
senior devotee of Ramana Maharshi and much older than the Maharshi, flashed in
his mind. Sivaprakasham Pillai faced a similar predicament of having his lost
his young wife to death and therefore asked by friends and relatives to
remarry. He decided that he would do so only after getting the permission of
Ramana Maharshi and so went to Tiruvannamalai to meet him. When he went up to
the cave where Sri Ramana was living then, he found the Maharshi surrounded by
many people which was quite atypical those days. So Pillai thought he would
come back later to meet Maharshi as this is a personal matter and needs to be discussed
in private. When he came back later that day to the cave, he again found too
many people around the Maharshi. This went on for three days when every time he
went, he just couldn't find the Maharshi alone, though he used to easily do so
in all his earlier visits. Then it suddenly struck him as to how foolish he was
in even trying to broach such a topic with the Maharshi. He reflected,
"While the Maharshi had left his family at the tender age of sixteen to
come to Arunachala and has been living with just a loin cloth since then, I
have not only lived married life already once but now want to do so again! What
does it show about my commitment to sadhana? No wonder Maharshi did not present
himself alone even once for me to broach such a topic!". So he took it as
a sign of grace from Sri Ramana and resolved to never marry again, but give his
life up totally to sadhana and became one of the foremost disciples of
Maharshi. Eventually when he passed away, a telegram was sent by his brother to
Maharshi that Sivaprakasham Pillai has expired. Upon seeing the telegram,
Maharshi simply said "Sivaprakasham Sivaprakasham aanaar" meaning
that Sivaprakasham attained the light of Siva, pure consciousness. A rare, high
praise from the Maharshi himself! Once this incident flashed before Major's
eyes, the decision was clear to him too. He woke up the next morning and told
all his relatives that he was done with married life and now going to commit
the rest of his life to sadhana.
****
Major went to Bangalore
right after the ceremonies were over. UG was back in Bangalore by then and
available to meet. From then on, Major started spending a lot of time with UG
whenever he was in town. Major had quit his job by then and was planning to
settle down in Tiruvannamalai. Major asked UG for a sadhana to do while living
there. He was doing three hours of Kriya Yoga sadhana every day and UG told him
to give up all that. Major then asked what would he do then since he had quit
his job and so asked UG for a sadhana. Incidentally Major felt he is likely the
only person to have asked UG for a sadhana as normally UG doesn't encourage any
sadhana of any kind and people around him don't ask him for one either. But
when asked, UG gave a beautiful sadhana to Major: "Surrender and stay
still. Surrender not to some imaginary conception of God but to life itself and
remain still". This was the highest sadhana that Sri Ramana Maharshi also
recommends and Major took upon it in right earnest. Meanwhile, UG was also
constantly hammering Major by insulting, ill-treating and snubbing him at every
turn for eight years, apparently to destroy his swagger that years in the army
had given him. UG used to say that anything beyond the three needs of the body
- food, clothing and shelter - is unnecessary. UG used to say, "You are
entertaining your thoughts instead of saying I don't want it. If you don't
entertain them, they will vanish on their own". Upon hearing this, Major
recalled Ramana Maharshi once telling Paul Brunton something to the same
effect: "You exist as you really are and all the thoughts will disappear
on their own". The substance was the same, but the style was radically
different, much more blunt in the case of UG!
By then, UG suggested that they
all go to a hill station to spend some quiet time in a cool place. Major suggested Yercaud which is near Salem
in Tamil Nadu and so off they went with Major driving UG and Chandrashekhar
Babu from Bangalore. Once they reached Yercaud, UG took them all the way to a
remote corner on the top of the mountain where nobody visited and found an
estate there for rent. He immediately took the place for rent for 4 years and
asked Major to move there while UG would come and go depending on his travels.
This happened in June 1992 and from then onward, Major spent the next four
years in the quiet and solitude of the estate in Yercaud and having the company
of UG and friends only for a few months when they were in India. While living
alone in Yercaud, Major dedicated himself to his sadhana as much as he could,
while fighting off the vasanas (tendencies) that the mind was constantly
throwing up to distract him.
****
After the four year lease of the
estate that UG had paid for got over in Yercaud, Major moved to Bangalore.
There again, he was fortunate to be able to rent a farm house away from the
city in solitude and quiet, where he lives till date. With his meager means, he
couldn't normally afford to rent a farm house but this farm house had witnessed
some burglaries recently and therefore the owners were ready to rent it off for
a low rent. Major took it as another act of grace and continued to dedicate
himself to sadhana in the new place. He also wanted to build an extra room in
the cottage there so that UG can come and stay with him whenever he visited
Bangalore., So he spent Rs. 60,000 of his savings which was a big amount for
him to build the extra room. He then invited UG for the opening ceremony of the
room done in a traditional way and UG quite atypically took the time to explain
the Sanskrit shlokas (chants) recited on the occasion. UG also insisted that he
pay Major the amount he spent from his savings to build the room especially as
it was hardly a week's worth of expenditure for UG in the west. But Major
flatly refused to take any money, saying that he built the room only to spend
time with UG for his own personal gain of having more association in his farm
house with UG, so he cannot accept money for that. Another incident that
happened while living in the farm house is worth noting as another display of
divine guidance. After Major moved in, the burglaries continued in the farm
house with the nearby villagers every once in a while stealing away various
articles, fresh fruits, wood etc. He was thinking on the lines of boosting
security, calling the police etc when he came across a similar incident in a
book about Anandamayi Ma. When someone complained to her that they were facing
thieves robbing them constantly, Ma said don't complain about them but realize
that they are Ishwara Swaroopa (forms of God) doing what they are supposed to
do! Major took this to heart upon reading it and decided that very moment to
never complain about the burglaries anymore but see them as Ma indicated them
to be. Lo and behold, from that day on, not a single burglary has happened!
Through all those years first in
Yercaud and then now in the farm house, though Major was dedicated to do the
sadhana as prescribed by UG, it was easier said than done of course. Major had
too many worldly desires tormenting him from a very young age and they
continued to do so. He had a tremendous desire for sex with many beautiful
women he had met as a young man while in the army but somehow restrained
himself from going down that path. Then his wife's health condition soon after
getting married meant he had hardly any conjugal pleasure during his marriage
either. So after his wife had died and now living alone, he was distracted
powerfully by carnal desires. It was his morals that prevented him from acting
out on these desires but UG kept taunting him by saying a moralist is a
frightened chicken! UG would bring up the topic of hitching Major with a woman
in front of many including Major's close relatives and friends, much to his
discomfort. He once asked Mahesh Bhatt, another UG friend and movie director,
to help Major get a nice woman from Bombay. Similarly, once during a lunch in
Madras, UG brought up the same issue in front of Major's own sister which
embarrassed Major to no end, especially as such issues are normally never
touched upon in Indian families! Finally UG started talking about making some
serious arrangements to hook up Major with an air hostess from Australia and
this proved to be the last straw for Major. He countered UG strongly by saying
"Is my desire going to go away if I indulge in it? Why are you pushing me
towards women and marriage when I am least interested in it. I want to only
focus on my sadhana." UG then dropped the issue after that. Perhaps he
wanted to test his commitment by constantly tempting Major and stopped only
after he got convinced of Major's dedication!
Nevertheless, the desire itself
did not leave Major and he was hoping all along that UG would destroy his sex
desire. Instead UG only did the opposite by pushing him towards marriage and
women. This required Major to meet with another enlightened being in his life -
Ajja from Puttur, Karnataka. By then, Major was spending a lot of time with UG
whenever he was in India but found that UG's idiom was too westernized. UG had
destroyed all the doubts and questions Major had, but still Major yearned to
meet a sage more rooted in the tradition to help get rid of the obstacles to
his sadhana.
Then a friend said Ajja, an
uneducated, Kannada speaking enlightened being, wanted to visit UG and therefore
arranged for Ajja to come to Major's farm house where UG was staying then. In
that first meeting, UG had the floor to himself as always, talking very
eloquently on all topics while Ajja didn't say much. Major didn't find anything
impressive or charming in Ajja in that encounter. But again, in a month, Ajja
came to meet UG and this time when a spiritual question was asked by one of the
twenty odd people assembled, UG very uncharacteristically yielded the floor
completely to Ajja. Ajja spoke for an hour uninterrupted by UG - something that
never happens normally around UG! One thing that Major remembered distinctly
was Ajja saying that the sum total of all transactional activities in the world
is itself what is called spirituality. Overall Major this time found Ajja to be
very impressive and had no doubt that this was another realized being. The next
day Major asked UG, "You mastered Upanishads, had a philosophy study in
college etc. and then got liberated. Suppose an uneducated man got liberated,
how would that be?". UG immediately said that the power that is
responsible for the entire creation will be vested in that man and will shine
powerfully through him.
From then on, Major also started
meeting Ajja more often in his ashram in Putthur, which is 30 miles from
Mangalore. The first time Major went to his ashram was on July 16, 2000 which
happened to be the auspicious Guru Purnima day, the full moon day in July every
year celebrated as mark of reverence for the Guru. Major would sit silently in
his presence and Ajja was very affectionate and tender towards him. This was in
contrast to UG who never missed a chance to snub Major! When asked for
liberation by others as Major was sitting quietly, Ajja always said first
develop an ethical foundation before seeking liberation. This too was quite
different from the approach of UG. Ajja said there are many celestial beings
looking for humans with a strong ethical foundation to bestow liberation and
therefore it is essential to develop the ethical foundation. When two American
sannyasis came to meet Ajja, they asked him evidently with great pride, "I
am turning the Om sound around the chakras. Should I move it to
sahasrara?". And Ajja told them bluntly "Why are you talking of
chakras when you are constantly thinking of women?!". They became silent
immediately and left in a while. Ajja had a tremendous impact on Major,
especially with regard to his sexual desires which troubled him for many years
and acted as a big obstacle to his sadhana. Once while sitting in the silent
presence of Ajja, Major felt that Ajja would grant any boon that he asks for
now and so Major silently prayed three times "Please destroy my sex
desire". And soon found that Ajja had destroyed the sex desire completely
and wiped the slate clean!
****
There is a verse in the Bhagavad
Gita where Arjuna asks Krishna about how does a realized man who is inwardly
still talk, act and move about. Because to actually observe an enlightened
being is a greater source of teaching than all that words can convey. Major felt
very fortunate to be able to observe in close quarters and absorb various
lessons from the way UG and Ajja dealt with everyday situations.
One of the main things UG would always insist was that one's
detachment from money is the litmus test for one's liberation. The more
attached to money, the farther away from liberation. This was of course in
total contrast to the money maxims UG later came up with for whatever reasons.
UG gave Major three rules to deal with money that will free him from worrying about
it. First, never think twice to spend money when it is necessary. Second, never
bargain. Third, never worry about where the money will come from. While they
may not be logically sound to a financial planner, Major has followed these
rules till date and been able to live a rich life despite having very meager
sources of money. The other aspect UG drilled into Major was to control one's
tongue and eat very simply. UG was an expert cook and yet he would make only
one item for each meal. And if somebody else cooked and made multiple dishes,
he'd get furious and say, "you
people eat like pigs, swines and hogs rolled into one!". So it was
always idli for breakfast while in India and that too mostly with just ghee and
not even chutney or any other side dish. And it was oatmeal while in the west.
Lunch and dinner were similarly just one simple item like upma (which UG would
cook so well and happened to be one of his staple diets). Major took this to
heart and even now, makes only one item for each meal and finds that the same
food tastes delicious each meal.
While offering such precious
lessons in dealing with many everyday situations, UG also tempted Major with
various worldly desires such as women as already mentioned or traveling the
world with UG which was yet another latent desire Major had for a long time
from childhood. And UG really tempted him to do so by asking him to join UG in
Switzerland, US etc. Major again had this clarity when presented with this
temptation that this is his outgoing tendencies that want him to travel the
world and it will take him away from his sadhana. So he sternly refused UG's
offer despite UG persisting with it multiple times just as he did with marriage
proposals!
Apart from constantly tempting him and taunting him, UG
also constantly put him down in front of other people. Also quite inexplicably,
UG was found siding with those teaching him curse words which he started using
liberally in his later years and those indulging in many hedonistic pursuits,
while ill-treating Major all the time. It bothered Major until another close UG
associate called Gopinath one day made Major see it in a different light. He
said if he treats those people the way he treats Major, they'd run away. So UG
keeps them next to him by being nice to them and slowly purify them. And this
in fact is what happened as many of them gave up meat, alcohol etc. over time.
Whereas, Gopinath said, because you can take it, UG gives you the rough
treatment which is like cutting faces on a diamond. Major too realized that this
must be the case as UG was most compassionate with anyone who came to him,
keeping his door always open for visitors and such a man ill-treating him must
also be for his higher good. And very recently, he got confirmation of this
from the last hostess of UG, Lucia from Italy, in whose house UG breathed his
last. Lucia came to Major's farm house on her recent visit to India to
especially meet him and convey that UG always spoke very fondly of Major. This
was in fact quite a surprise for Major to hear as UG never gave that impression
to Major while in person. Major felt that UG did all that he did through their
many years of association to grind his ego to pulp and felt deeply grateful for
that.
****
Similarly, Major got many lessons
from Ajja by observing him interact with so many other seekers. Once a seeker
who was a family man running a shop in the town came to Ajja and said he wants
to go off to Himalayas and sit in meditation. Ajja asked him simply if you
meditate with eyes opened or closed. He replied closed of course. Then Ajja
said once you close the eyes, what difference does it make if you are in
Himalayas or in your town! So just stay here and continue your meditation was
the instruction. Another time, someone came and asked about sthitaprajna (still
and unmoving consciousness) that is being referred in the Bhagavad Gita. Ajja
cut him short by saying you have to first have the quality of dejection with
the world and state of surrender that Arjuna had before coming to ask these
questions. Another incident happened with a rich doctor who came to meet Ajja.
He asked Ajja, "What happened to you?". Ajja replied that whatever
was inside went away and a huge power has entered. When asked what is the
evidence, Ajja didn't reply but just remained silent. A month later, this
doctor called the Ashram to say that his third son's blood pressure has come
down drastically and he has collapsed. They were not able to even resuscitate
him and so asked this to be informed to Ajja. The person who answered the phone
was a close associate of Ajja and he knew that if Ajja's head is covered, he
should not be disturbed. And since the head was covered, he didn't inform Ajja
of the phone call. Ten minutes later, another call came from the same doctor to
inform that the son had died. Again he didn't inform Ajja. Then thirty minutes
later, came the last call now to inform that the son came back to life! All the
while, Ajja was remaining with his head covered. A month later, the doctor came
to the Ashram with that son and told Ajja that he refused to go to school
anymore, addresses me and his mother by name and behaves in seemingly weird
ways. Ajja simply replied that this boy has no need to go to school anymore and
you have to learn from him! And he looked at the boy and told him to just
remain silent. Major felt a tremendous power in the presence of Ajja and
credits Ajja with getting rid of his arishadvargas or the six enemies of man
and obstacles to realizing one's true nature: kama (lust), krodha (anger),
lobha (greed), moha (attachment), mada (pride), and matsarya (jealousy). And he
spent a lot of time with Ajja too in those years.
Eventually both UG and Ajja
passed away in 2007 within a few days of each other. And Major felt that while
it was a privilege to be in close quarters with jivanmuktas (liberated beings)
and felt they had tremendously helped him, he still didn't find his inner life
to be much different from what it was many years ago. Another eight years
passed by and Major felt he was still not having any taste of true peace or
inner joy and felt instead not even able to get good sleep on a regular basis.
He felt he had actually even regressed in his sadhana, his mind was tormenting
him and he was literally stumbling through days without any real peace. Being
with UG for a long time had taken away any feeling of bhakti (devotion). And
Major felt he was not ready for direct jnana (wisdom) either. This was driven
home when his sister got him a book called Upadesa Manjari which is a record of
questions and answers by Ramana Maharshi. To one of the questions there, Sri
Ramana answered that self-inquiry or the path of jnana was only meant for
uttama adhikaris (highly qualified) who have cleansed all their latent vasanas
(tendencies or desires). Major told himself "You are a wretched fellow and
how do you think you are highly qualified?". So he decided to again
practice bhakti as he felt that alone can result in purification of the mind
(chitta shuddhi) of all the latent desires and impurities. But he could not
muster any feeling of bhakti toward any deity as that was rooted out of his
system through years of association with UG. So he thought he can do so only
toward a Guru he has met who encouraged such bhakti and Anandamayi Ma came to
his mind as the object of such devotion. Right then, he came across a passage
by Ma where she told some other devotee to direct his devotion toward his Guru
from his past life. This made Major introspect deeply and he realized that it
was none other than Sri Ramana Maharshi who has been his Guru all along, from
his past life and guiding him through this life too right from that day he sat
next to his father as an eight year old. He especially got convinced of it
after knowing about one soldier swami who lived with Ramana Maharshi in the
1920s. He was a World War I veteran who got drawn to Ramana Maharshi and spent
his later years in devotion and service to Sri Ramana Maharshi. Major having
born in a traditional Brahmin family with nobody considering military service
as an option was somehow drawn to joining the army from a young age. This
peculiar draw towards army as well as his attraction to Ramana Maharshi both of
which started from his childhood convinced Major that Sri Ramana Maharshi has
been guiding him from his past life and therefore, as Anandamayi Ma indicated,
he decided to direct his bhakti towards Sri Ramana Maharshi.
****
So Major took up again a very
regimented life of sadhana steeped in bhakti toward Sri Ramana Maharshi that
included mantra japa (repetition of sacred syllables), chanting of stotras
(hymns) and smarana (constant remembrance) of Sri Ramana. This sadhana for 4
short years resulted in a radical transformation of his inner and outer life.
Major found that he felt like a
caterpillar was catapulted into the state of a joyful butterfly. He found the
mind that was constantly torturing him collapsed completely, leaving no room
for misery or conflict. Now he found that thoughts never trouble him and not a
single sad thought ever occurs and all worry has vanished. He felt like there
is an empty pot sitting on top of the neck. Every human being has a lurking
dissatisfaction which left Major completely and there was now a feeling of
constant satisfaction that everything inside and out are perfect as they should
be. All traces of fear and insecurity had disappeared. Major first thought this
was a passing phase and would go away but after many months, he realized that
this has become his permanent state and he is totally free of all movements of
the mind that torment men everywhere. He realized that this was a total
transformation. Pondering upon it, he concluded that this state of bliss was
bestowed upon him by the grace of Ramana Maharshi who has been guiding him from
his childhood as a personal gift. So he lives happily in the privacy of his
farm house, not seeking any attention of any kind.
It has been thirty years since
Major did any socializing of any kind, reading newspapers, watching movies etc.
His focus has always been to live with oneself as shown possible by Sri Ramana
Maharshi and by the grace of Sri Ramana, he has been able to do that. Now after
he found himself in this uninterrupted state of bliss, he asked himself what am
I to do as the object of his sadhana has been realized. He then remembered that
Nisargadatta Maharaj continued with 3 to 4 hours of bhajan till the end,
Anandamayi Ma was constantly engaged similarly in bhajans, and of course Sri
Ramana Maharshi was always in silent samadhi all the time. So he felt he also
can just continue with his regiment of mantra japa and chanting of stotras,
while constantly remembering Sri Ramana with boundless love and gratitude. Thus
he continues to keep this regimen everyday till now, not anymore with the
object of realizing anything but as an expression of the joy within and
continuing to live in solitude.
- Suresh Natarajan
****
